Where is the hickey?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
