she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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