I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Im part way to drunk.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
