ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
