the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
