Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
