i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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