Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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