Apparently you make a good broom.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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