u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
tell your sister to shave her snatch
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
