I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
