New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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