I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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