I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
