Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
