We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
