I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
