Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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