I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
