shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
