Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
