by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
