I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
