I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
