when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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