I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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