I want to stick my p in your. b.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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