Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
third nipple confirmed
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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