im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
