Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I touched a dick in church today
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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