Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
