She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
