this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
