The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
