he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize