If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
