Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
