Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
