My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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