It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
