Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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