I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
