Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
