So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
vagina is talking i cant
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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