Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
