Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize