It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
