I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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