I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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