peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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