What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
