seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
