I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize