Soap is not a condiment
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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