So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
