Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
