areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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