I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize