Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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