I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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