So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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