i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Sorry about my life...
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
