Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
