We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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