so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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