I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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