i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
