My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
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