dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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